The concept of virginity

<- virginity be like

I think by now a lot of us have heard people talking about how virginity doesn’t actually exist. ‘A social construct’, it remains, but that can be hard to fully understand. Essentially, virginity is an idea because it does not actually make any fundamental changes. It functions instead as a social tool to enforce particular ideas upon people. For instance, when men lose their virginity, it is somewhat of a cause of celebration. Thus, virginity is a sign of masculinity, deeming your social worth. On the flip side, for women, it is something that is taken from them- the implication being it is something they should strive to keep. A woman who loses her virginity ‘too soon’ or ‘too easily’ is deemed impure and wrong, as slut-shaming comes into play. Virginity is tied to identity, used as a means of forcing a particular set of morals and expectations upon people.

Considering the way virginity functions, it implies men can fundamentally change a woman, in a way that is damaging to her moral sanctity. Even for men it is damaging, in almost the inverse way to women- a man who has not lost his virginity by some point in his life is deemed a failure- as virginity is so very integral to his social standing. For women, virginity is something to guard and keep close, as people attempt to take it- a strange caricature of men as frenzied, wild predators and women as terrified prey.

In many cultures, someone considering marriage must be a virgin. In uncomfortably public conversations, someone’s virginity is often discussed before a marriage is decided upon. Typically, the expectation is that the woman remain a virgin, with the man’s sexual activity of no real concern. Because a man who may have had multiple sexual partners will still expect his soon-to-be wife to be a virgin, untouched and ‘pure’. Since virginity is indicative of a woman’s moral standing, it can therefore be used as a means to control her. A woman’s virginity is tied to the concept of honour- and honour is distinctly linked to the male identity. A woman’s virginity, her body and her choices, reflect upon the men around her- whether that be in her family or her partner. An unfortunate truth of many cultures, this idea then leads to intense resentment and anger over women- since they are reduced to belonging to men.

This all-too-typical misogyny can rear its ugly head in many fashions. For instance, something akin to a fetish in the desire to take as many virgins as you can, ‘deflowering’ becoming a disgusting ritual, a competition among men. So much value is placed upon something that cannot even be accurately judged, something that barely holds any threads of presence in the first place!

The link between the hymen and virginity is part of this construct, as many people do not experience any changes to the hymen as a result of penetrative sex. Furthermore, the idea that a woman should bleed the first time she has sex, becauase this is an indication of her virginity, is based on a false concept. Not every woman bleeds, and if she doesn’t, it can often be used to shame her, to declare her a slut, and even use and justify violence against her in some extreme cases. There is no physical indication of virginity, and yet it is still used as a principle social concept.

An issue that always comes to mind when being faced with the concept of virginity is that a woman's worth is changed by a man. A man’s penis has the ability to change a woman's character, moral standing and identity, which is a concept which exists in many societies. However, no thing or ‘organ’ can change that about a woman nor a man. In addition, this concept also reinforces the traditional form of sex. In this view, we now have a better understanding of sexuality and non-heterosexual relationships. Many people have different ideas and definitions of sex, rendering the concept of virginity as arbitrary.

Conclusion

So we both decided that the word ‘pure’ has the worst possible connotations and we would very much like to burn it on a pyre. However, the idea of virginity is so arbitrary and flimsy, that we would very much like to hear your thoughts on it. What do you think about virginity as a social construct? Does it make you as uncomfortable as it does us, in its horrible desire to control and judge us all? Let us know your thoughts.